GOSSIP: RESURRECTION DAY

The king is alive. His death an elaborate hoax. Being fans of a good conspiracy theory, we love this particular secret. Apparently, the king, rather than die, had a wax dummy of himself created, which was encased in an air-conditioning machine before being placed in the coffin. According to “sources”, the coffin weighed 900lb. The king, though famed for his love of fried foodstuffs and his larger physique, did not weigh the same as a whale. Ergo he wasn’t buried. Ergo he is alive. Ergo, the king is in the building.