Wednesday 17th May

| BY Jack Moss

Ten Films To Look Forward To At Cannes 2017

Before we are inevitably distracted by a red carpet and thus such questions as: who can birth the largest creation of tulle mid-Croisette or what, exactly, this year’s off-kilter erogenous zone will be (we’ve had under/side boob, hip bone, pubis – bum crack?) we are taking a moment to recognise what the Cannes Film Festival is actually about, namely: films. Here at Ten, we love films. But we’re not experts. So these, our list of the ten films we’re looking forward to at this year’s festival, might be good. They also might not. But, as we basically nicked the list from the NYT and various other reputable news sources – they probably will.

The Beguiled

Period romp. Remote girls school in rural Mississippi takes in injured civil war soldier. Girls-slash-teachers lust after said soldier. There’s a bit of shagging. A leg gets amputated. Someone gets poisoned. Etc. etc. It’s directed by Sofia Coppola so expect dark, but totally luscious to look at. Stars Kirsten Dunst, Elle Fanning and Nicole Kidman on imperious form.

Cannes - Beguiled

Come Swim

We have it on very good authority – i.e. we read about it five minutes ago on the New York Times – that Kristen Stewart is, as well as being a very good actress, a very good director. Who knew? A fact that is evidenced by her directorial debut, Come Swim, a short film that promises, again according to the NYT: conceptual, Terrence Malick, visual poetry. Ouuu.

You Were Never Really Here

Okay, so this one doesn’t sound particularly cheery – IMDB: “a war veteran’s attempt to save a young girl from a sex trafficking ring goes horribly wrong” – BUT, that said, it’s directed by the incredible Lynne Ramsay, who also helmed We Need To Talk About Kevin. AND it has Joaquin Phoenix in it, a gentleman who excites Sophia greatly. In many ways. Not least his “acting” ability.

Twin Peaks

Naturally, we are wildly obsessed with Twin Peaks. We have long fantasised/prayed/begged/given sacrificial offerings (etc. etc.) to see David Lynch’s seminal series return to our screens. And somewhere along the line it worked – the series is returning later this year, and will premiere at Cannes with a special showing of its first two episodes. We’ve seen a mini-trailer – caused strange, slightly painful sounding yelps from Phoebe and Finn. Think that’s a good thing?

Cannes - Twin Peaks

Killing of a Sacred Deer

We all watched The Lobster. Well, I didn’t. But the rest of the office did. Conclusion? Bit weird, but good. Killing of a Sacred Deer is director Yorgos Lanthimos’ latest. Imagining, from the title, that this maybe something to do with Bambi. Live action version? It’s not. At all. IMDB: “a teenager’s attempts to bring a brilliant surgeon into his dysfunctional family takes an unexpected turn.” Right.

How To Talk To Girls At Parties

Have you ever fallen in love with a sexy foreign exchange student, only to discover that she is actually an otherworldly being from outer space? No? Probably fairly awkward. That’s the concept of John Cameron Mitchell’s (him of Hedwig and the Angry Inch fame) latest and stars Elle Fanning and Nicole Kidman, begging the question: do these women ever sleep?


We’ve had a deep love of Todd Haynes ever since Superstar: The Karen Carpenter Story, a biopic of the songstress’ life played out entirely by Barbie dolls. With spanking. It’s properly amazing. Todd’s also done Carol, Far From Heaven and loads of other brill films besides. Don’t know a whole lot about Wonderstruck, except that it’s based on a children’s book and sees Mr Haynes reunite once again with the gorgeous Julianne Moore, who here looks a bit wrinkly (proesthetics, obv).

Cannes - OkjaThe Meyerowitz Stories

So to another blurb, this time for The Meyerowitz Stories – IMDB: “an estranged family gathers together in New York for an event celebrating the artistic work of their father.” Which we are aware sounds a bit vague, but it comes from the brain of much celebrated director Noah Baumbach, of Frances Ha and Mistress America fame. He’s the film industry’s darling, darling. Watch, pretend to watch – either way, you’ll look intelligent.


We’re probably the biggest fans of Tilda Swinton in the world. To utilise a cliche, we’d pay to see her read the phone book (we wouldn’t – but it wouldn’t take much more). This time, she’s doing action, teaming up with Korean director Bong Joon-ho (and Netflix) on Okja, a film about a young woman saving her best friend from being kidnapped by a multinational company. A best friend who is not actually human, but a “massive animal”. Aww.