Friday 12th February

| BY Jack Moss

Yeezy Season 3

“This looks like Season 4 Orange is the New Black,” says Dominic as he scrolls through the images from yesterday’s Yeezy show. Cum album listening party. Slash Kardashian convention. “Wait, you can’t quote me. Oh actually, whatever you can”. Sabrina thinks that Kris looks like Liza Minelli. Natalie concurs. Kanye is quite sweaty, isn’t he? The whole thing looks a bit stressful. Anna Wintour looks tired. She’s sat in the stands like she’s pretending to be interested in her child playing sport. Why are the Kardashians the only ones dancing? Did the models really have to stand still for 2 hours? Are those swim caps? Will is now just letting out standing moaning sounds and muttering to himself. “Scott was the only one not there. I love Scott,” says Sabrina. Ten Towers agrees loudly. Apart from Will. “No no no. He’s gross”. Is the album out yet? Wasn’t this a launch party? Wait – what the hell is that Donda/Robert Kardashian t-shirt? Am I hallucinating? Slash I kind of want it. Fucking hell. Is it too early for a drink?