Saturday 4th February

| BY Natalie Dembinska

A Look Back To Miu Miu AW11

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Generally, we’re not keen on the whole film remake. Nor is Miu Miu (that’s Mrs Prada to you). Well, for the purposes of this, at least. Unless, that is, you want to remake that powerful piece of feminist manifesto, that cinematic classic that teaches you not only how to be a woman, but also a mother and, above all else, a star: Mommie Dearest. But there are two conditions. First, Faye Dunaway reprises her Joan Crawford role. Second, and this is non-negotiable, the whole thing is costumed by Miu Miu. After all, which actress can communicate the rage you feel when wire hangers are used to hang expensive dresses quite like Faye? If you’re partial to a little Miu Miu, the least you could do is treat it with some respect. As Faye would scream, when dressed in the impeccable black coat with white inner collar of Exit 5, on discovering that her ungrateful daughter has scuffed yet another pair of glitter banana heeled shoes: “I work and work until I’m half-dead. And what do I get? A daughter… who cares as much about the beautiful dresses I give her… as she cares about me.” In our remake, we wouldn’t merely send the tiresome brat to boarding school, we’d sling her out on the street. Her bedroom would then be converted to a Miu Miu shrine. This collection needs a shrine – where would we be without that triangular silhouette? We’d still be Lucille Fay LeSueur, still in San Antonio, flipping burgers in some dead-end diner, that’s where. In fact, we’d maybe tweak this film just a little – make it more of a love story. Rose gardens could be pruned in the felt jogging bottoms, beauty rituals performed in floral tea dresses (when plunging your face into a bowl of ice cubes, it’s important to look right), floors scrubbed in blousy tops and pencil skirts, a wide sash tied over the hips. The fur collars are what she would wear for basking in the adulation of her fans when collecting another Oscar. Miu Miu would be there for her in a way her nearest and dearest never were, and would appreciate the padded hangers with which you’d fill the shrine. After all, anything else ruins the line of the shoulder, and these dresses are all about the shoulder. Strong, square and wide: the new power shoulder. “You wouldn’t fuck with her, fellas. This ain’t her first time at the rodeo.”

Photograph by Jason Lloyd-Evans

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