Wednesday 7th September

| BY Will Johns

TEN MINUTES: Of Pre-Fashion Month Anxiety

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As I write this it is Tuesday afternoon and tomorrow, it begins. Breathe. Deeply. Fashion is coming. Lots of it. Yes, the idea of the bi-annual non-stop back-to-back four-week-long itinerary can be a little overwhelming to us fashion folk, but as we all know, with a little pain comes a lot of pleasure. Our excitement pre-fashion month over upcoming looks fresh off the runway (Heels Givenchy, huh?) can hardly be contained. In fact, it cannot be contained. Like children on Christmas morning. Like Sophia Neophitou in an Alaia store. Woo, fuckin’ buzzin’, woo! Like Frank’s little cousin. And once the shows are over, it’s back to the office to watch them again. And again. And again. Garth Spencer has officially confessed to watching the Prada’s Autumn Winter 2008 Men’s show, the one with the ramp, suits and tutus, a solid 400 times plus. Clearly, we’re obsessed. So back to breathing. We’re taking a ten minute breather until kick off. This involves temporarily clearing our minds of previous seasons. Making space inside of them until designers fill them up again.

If not fashion, what exactly will we be thinking of, you ask? Most of our minds are too sordid to spill, but as always, Ms. Dembinska is willing to share her thoughts for a penny. She is going to think about the woman who had sex with a dolphin. How far did she go? Which base did the woman and the dolphin get to? How exactly did they reach this particular base? Natalie will also be pondering how to moisturise hair ends. As hers are very dry of late, she explains. She will also of course think about food. Not spinach though. That love affair / crazed obsession is well and truly over. Although she does have half a bag in her fridge. Other ways to clear her mind may include hard drugs and liquor, but as she’s only got 10 minutes, she might need to settle for a shorter lasting substance. Poppers or balloons perhaps. Not that we are recommending drug use to our readers. Or sex with dolphins or any other aquatic marine mammal for that matter. For those of you who are not lucky enough to call yourself members of the mode elite, just sit back, relax, and let the fashions of Spring Summer 2017 come for you.

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