Thursday 24th March

| BY Natalie Dembinska

TEN MINUTES: Under The Knife

Botched 1

So let me make sure I’ve got this right? Basically, you cut through my skin next too, not in my hairline- but wouldn’t cutting in my hair be better? Make the scar less visible? My skin doesn’t heel like it used to. So what if hair gets into it, they’ll be more hair covering it. What do you mean it’s not hygienic? I have very clean hair I’ll have you know. Wash it twice daily. Fine then, have it your way. Just because you have a diploma it does not, I’ll have you know, make you an authority on aesthetics. I’m the one with the art degree in this room, and I bet I’m just as handy with a needle and thread you know. I even took a summer course in needle point once. Yes, yes, yes, I know you’re a doctor, so anyway, you cut and then what? Yank back. Yes yes, gently pull, same difference, and then what, get rid of the excess and staple everything in place. So, how do staple, with like an actual stapler, sort of press it against my head and bam bam bam. I don’t really care anyway, I’ll be out for the count and you will be prescribing me morphine for afters won’t you? And my cheeks bones, to make them more feline you break with a little hammer and then rebuild. The thing is, this is very important, I’d like them higher. I would like you to physically move them up by five centimetres, or more if possible. I don’t care if you’ve never done it before. I’m the one with the black amex sweetness and no one says no to me. Think Jocelyn Wildenstein sans filler and it’ll all work our perfectly I’m sure.  I’ve also been working hard to perfect the texture of the skin on my derriere so that it can be grafted onto my visage. I’m as close as I’m ever going to peach, so maybe after all the pulling and repositioning we could squeeze in the grafting into the same time slot. Might as well since I’m already under and that way when I wake up my face will be absolutely perfect. Just one last thing, is it possible to remove scars with lasers these days? Or will I need more surgery for that?

Image by Rhea Dillon